You think, that I don’t even mean, a single word I say…

Picture the scene; Summer of 2001 and a young McBeard is travelling North America. Heading south from Niagara Falls to NYC he stops over in Buffalo, where the urge to empty his bowels comes along.

Now anyone who has been backpacking knows it is critical to do so whenever a half decent facility is on offer. This was no such facility. To call it rank and illegally disgusting wouldn’t do its loathsome dirt justice. Anyway, the call of nature was upon me and the angry growl informed me it was now or, well, now. So a quick hop, skip and clench later I wrapped half a dozen seat covers around the seat and went for it.

Just at the critical sphincter permissing moment I heard suction; from next door. The cubical was clearly being used for a ‘transaction’ if you get my jist. My reaction was to be struck by instant performance anxiety. I left my throne and returned to waiting for the 2am  Greyhound to NYC.

What exited the toilet that night was a sight of pure gut wrenching (not to be recommended in my perilous state) horror. First came an awful homeless man who appeared to have clothes made of shite mixed with the odd rag of cloth. Just as I began to delete this image from my fragile young mind, the most disgusting and repulsive female object appeared. I would rather surrender my entire genital region to the twisted desires of Anne Widdecombe than recall in too much detail what left that toilet that night.

The point of this story? We all know it goes on, but do we really need to see it? The assertion that FIFA is ‘bent’ is not a new one. The Qatar World Cup was bought by rich Arabs? Shock and surprise. I mean, did Jack (he clearly needs to swallow) think that the chief of FIFA would allow him a fair election? An what of bin-Hamman? Was he honestly expecting a best-man-wins situation? FIFA has built itself up by ensuring it controls one thing above all other in football; money. Indeed; that dirty cash does talk. Swiss (sic)  apparently.

Arising from the mire for a moment, a though occurred to me this evening. There is a surgeon who has performed a brain split recently. He cut a 10 month old girls brain in half to ensure her survival. Apparently the brain before 12 months old can cope with this successfully.

On the other hand <unknown footballer – yeah right he’s been a tosser for a long time, since he beat his girlfriend up twice in a year> earns millions a year for what? I know the argument is that the money is in the game and the player is the one who creates the spectacle that all this money is based around. But seriously, has money done football any good?  What are your thoughts?

On a brighter note (Mr66, DarthPaul et al may disagree) we have seen a performance of might, majesty and control from Barcelona this weekend. Not long ago, a debate arose on the forum about the greatest footballer of all time; Pele, Maradona or Messi.  A lot of people backed against Lionel (named after Lionel Blair apparently…) because he hadn’t been the stand out performer in a key game. Perhaps a new perspective will arise now, have your say here.

And what of poor Deportivo of Coruna? Relegated despite having been a key player in the upper echelons of both Spain and Europe in the early 2000’s. Hinting at the seedier side of Los Cules was the story raised by our friend SoulFusion here regarding Valencia players being paid to beat Depor on the day they were set to win the league. What I personally love/hate from this story is the fact that Bebeto, veteran of Brazilian football, World Cups and other stuff, wimped out of taking the kick! Maybe he learnt from Bob Baggio!

So, to bring this second edition to a close I leave you with the words of Jean Paul Sartre; “In football, everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team”. That, and the invincible keepers bug.



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